“Take my Hand…”

12 Jan

 

Don’t you hate it when a song gets stuck in your head and you can’t seem to shake it out?  Hate that no matter how many times you try to get rid of it by humming “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” your brain just reverts right back to whatever melody it has chosen to repeat over and over? I usually do. BUT, as I learned today, it’s all perspective and whether you regard the broken record in your head as an annoyance or look at it in a positive light.

This morning, on the way to work, Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer” was playing on the radio and ten hours later, I’m still “Mmm hmm… don don don don. WhOOOahh! Bum badadadadum dum…” The chorus “Take my hand and we’ll make I swear… Whoah! Livin’ on a prayer!” never seemed to stop repeating. From midmorning to afternoon, I desperately tried to purge the tune from my mind, but it was stuck. After several hours of struggling against it, I realized… maybe there is a reason this particular phrase has been ingrained in my brain temporarily? Hmm… what lesson can I learn from these words?

I think I was meant to concentrate on this chorus today because at this early stage in my recovery I need reassurance… lots of it. I need to know that recovery is not an awful, horrible doom, that eating is not the end of the world, that the temporary discomfort that goes along with weight gain will eventually subside, and that the nearly constant ED thoughts will quiet as my recovery solidifies. The song changed my perspective and brought me a sense of gratitude for all the people who offer me reassurance that there is a wonderful world beyond my anorexia that can be mine if I believe in my recovery.

So tonight, a big “thank you” goes out to all the wonderful supporters in my life- the doctors, medical professionals, therapists, nutritionists, family, and friends- who offer me the reassurance I need, inspire me to continue when I want to back out, who tell me “Take my Hand… we’ll make it I swear.”

 

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