Moving Metabolism

5 Jun

 

I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve been so busy. Packing boxes, taping boxes, labeling boxes, hauling boxes, and unpacking boxes. Boxes, Boxes, Boxes! I can’t get them out of my head! If only my life fit neatly into little boxes…

But moving has been hard in an eating disorder sense, too. I’ve been doing a lot better responding to my body’s desire for more food. In the past few weeks, I have felt a definite kick-up in the amount of food I need to eat in order to feel full. The gastric delay is getting a lot better, so I have had to eat more and more often.

But this weekend, was different. I was moving, in both senses of the word. A LOT. I think I must have climbed the equivalent of 200 flights of stairs by the end of Sunday. The first day was okay and I ate a typical amount. But by the second day of increased physical movement, my metabolism was out of control. The past three days, I have been eating a substantial amount and getting hungry almost immediately afterwards. For someone with an eating disorder, eating so much isn’t fun. Lots of negative thoughts have been coming up. Here’s how I’ve been dealing and what I mentally tell myself about this hyper-metabolism:

  • It’s okay to be frustrated. It’s annoying to feel hungry an hour after eating a big meal. That’s okay. But at least your body is responding to the nutrition. At least you know you are hungry and can remedy it. Unlike so many people in other countries, you are able to nourish yourself by just pulling open the fridge. Yes, hyper-metabolism is frustrating, but not impossible to cope with.
  • The feeling of fullness WILL go away. It’s all temporary… it will be uncomfortable at first, but the food will quickly be used up. Like everything else in life, nothing is permanent.
  • Don’t compare yourself to others. Watching my mom and brother be fine for hours after their lunches added insult to injury. When my stomach growls after only one, I ED wants to scream at it, “Shut up! You are wrong… I am not, I REFUSE to be hungry again!” But the ultimatum won’t get you anywhere, except down the dangerous path of restriction. Plus, it feels as though I am “the fat one,” always eating. As ED says “Always stuffing her face.” The comparisons don’t help, so I prepare for them and think through them logically, justifying my eating as compensation for all the days I didn’t eat in the past, repair for all the damage I’ve done to my body.
  • Eat when your body tells you to. This is the hardest for me. It’s hard to believe that I could be hungry within an hour of eating; it almost seems as though my body is playing tricks on me. ED calls my body a liar. But I am choosing to believe it… if my stomach is growling, it must mean that all the calories I ate before have already been used up somewhere. When my stomach growls, I must need more fuel. I am so grateful that my body is coming back to life. I am not going to abuse it any more and deny what it needs to do that.
  • High density foods are your friend. I think I should invest in peanuts. Or maybe buy stock in Peter Pan. Seriously, I’ve eaten a ton of peanut butter. It’s quick, high density so it provides a big wollup of energy for little volume, and combines fat and protein, so it’s easy to get both in.
  • Make it fun! I’m a pretty creative person, so if I have to do something I hate, I like to put a little fun spin on it. Pretend you are on a cooking show- prep all the necessary ingredients and demonstrate how to prepare your meal or snack. Find the prettiest plate/bowl to use. Make smiley faces with raisins. Add sprinkles to your yogurt(like those mini yogurts they used to have when I was a kid that came with a plastic topper filled with rainbow sprinkles… oh, how I loved the days my mom packed those… swoon!) Whip up ants on a log(with aforementioned peanut butter). Spell out words on the peanut butter slathered on your toast. Enjoy the opportunity to create!
I’m out enjoying the cooler night and realize that surprise!  I’m hungry again in the time it took to type this post. Time to head back inside and find something for a night snackeroonee. Hmmm… peanut butter sounds good!
P.S. I’m starting photography classes tomorrow, so look forward to pictures by mwah (instead of stock photos) in the very near future. I received my camera the other day and have been like a little kid with a new toy. Looking forward to sharing them! So excited for tomorrow!
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One Response to “Moving Metabolism”

  1. Nikki June 7, 2011 at 7:09 PM #

    I understand you not saying goodbye to me, but you could have said goodbye to everyone that helped you out while YOUR FAMILY DESERTED YOU. Down the road remember who was there for you, and you will realize it was the people you treated poorly. I just want you to know the Dunkles were extremely offend by your blog about no one being there for you, maybe more so than I was. You have a lot to learn, that clearly your parents and family couldn’t teach you, but I hope you can find that in New York. I wish you the best of luck in your recovery and I hope you are doing well. Good luck, and thanks for using all the people that loved you when you family couldn’t.

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