Suck on This!

19 Jul

Do not be alarmed by the title of this post. Don’t you fret:

THE FOLLOWING POST HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR

ALL AUDIENCES

BY THE MOTION PICTURE ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA, INC.

THE POST HAS BEEN RATED

G

And to start off my perfectly-safe-for-children post, I’m calling the weather in Austin, TX B.S. 

And we all know what B.S. stands for, right?

That’s right…. today(and every other day) is blistery, baking, burning, broiling, blazing and boiling. With a side of sticky, sweaty, sweltering, scalding, scorching, steaming, sizzling, searing, and smoking.

Yes, it’s HOT AS HELL  … I mean “hot as h-e-double hockey sticks.” Come on, we’re keeping it G-rated here.

So with sweat pouring down my back, even in the AC, I thought, “Hoover Dam! It’s a great day for something icy, frosty and cool to drink! ….What’s that ED? Too much sugar you say?

Well, it’s time to be defiant! I don’t care if I die two tablespoons of sugar today. At least I’ll have fun doing it. So shut your piehole! Oh, wait… I forgot pie has too many calories for you. So shut your rice-cake, iceburg lettuce, Splenda hole and go away!”

Striding confidently into the kitchen, I gathered my glass, blender and ice. But then, in my moment of freedom, I had to decide, “Which frozen, frigid concoction to make?” Hmmm…. Oooh, what about Sugar-Honey Iced Tea?


No? Why not? Ugh, ok… G-rated… I get it…

Let’s settle on some nice, mellow Strawberry Lemonade:

Slurpable Strawberry Lemonade (for two!):

1/4 cup lemon juice

1/8 cup turbinado sugar

8 large strawberries

5 1/4 cups water

ice cubes

Combine lemon juice, sugar, strawberries, and 1/4 cup water in blender. Puree until smooth. Fill two glasses with plenty of ice and remaining water. Pour puree into glasses, splitting evenly. Garnish with more strawberries. Slurp! And enjoy!

Yes, that’s real honest-to-God goodness sugar in there, which my eating disorder kicked and screamed at. But, I sucked the whole glass down… and it was delicious. Ha, ED…

I win this time! You can suck my…. uhhh…uhhh…

majic trick?

chick flick?

carrot stick?

oil slick?

adobe brick?

neck crick?

realpolitik?

Fiddlesticks. There’s really no way out of that one….

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