Yellow Brick Recovery Road

26 Sep

As I read my daily meditation for mindful eating this morning, it had a wonderful quote that has really helped me pull back from the struggle I’ve been having for the past several weeks and I thought I’d share it.

“What saves man is to take a step. Then another step. It is always the same step, but you have to take it.”

           – Antoine de Saint-Exupery, pilot and poet

 What words of wisdom. Often times, when I’m struggling with my eating disorder, I feel overwhelmed and helpless. Through the tears, I beg someone to save me, give me some way out of the constant mental struggle. But deep down, I know another can never bring me out the anorexia- only I can. I know the step I need to take in order to keep going on the recovery path better than anyone else. My support team can help me along the road, but they can’t pull me along– I have to take the steps to walk there.

 I often picture the recovery path similar to the Yellow Brick Road in the Wizard of Oz. Just like Dorothy, I have to battle my anorexia, like the Wicked Witch of the West, but I wish it was as simple as a pail of water. Too bad EDs can’t just melt… that would solve a lot. Instead of flying monkeys, I daily fight off tears, anxiety, and self-negativity. And don’t get me started on the Dark Forest metaphors I have… scales, and calories, and fat… OH MY!!!

 My ED  screeches, “I’ll get you my pretty and your little happiness, too! Hahahaha!” It offers me an escape from the pressure and anxiety of reality- for a few days I’m transported to a Technicolor world filled with fantasy, but also much danger, until I realize, all I really want to do is return to my happy, little Kansas life.

 At the end of these hard periods, though, I find like Dorothy, that the solution was with me all along. Although you could say tapping two ruby slippers together is easier than recovery, the concept is the same. There is no wizard to set you free from self-hatred and body bashing- it’s only an illusion of powerlessness. You can choose to keep walking on the Yellow Brick Recovery Road, like I did this week- reach out to your Glendas, fight your Wicked Witches, and find who you really are.

“Pay no attention to the ED behind the curtain”… the power to walk on is in you alone.

 

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5 Responses to “Yellow Brick Recovery Road”

  1. LeRoy Dean September 27, 2011 at 8:39 AM #

    Excellent!

  2. Hannah Ramsey September 27, 2011 at 9:54 PM #

    http://www.youtube.com/user/dlaarel#p/u/0/5Pt8cVfj9Lc

    This song helps when I am having a bad day, maybe it will help you!

    • eodwyer September 27, 2011 at 11:26 PM #

      Thanks for the suggestion… I love that song! And my favorite for a bad day is Good Life by One Republic! Thanks for reading!

  3. servetheworld September 29, 2011 at 9:53 PM #

    this is wonderful, keep telling yourself there is no wizard! And keep on the yellow brick road 🙂 I finally began my own: http://be-still-hope.blogspot.com. Thank you for your words!

    • eodwyer September 30, 2011 at 8:02 AM #

      Thanks so much Chloe! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the new blog! It is gorgeous and the first posts are too. Keep it up, girl!

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